The calls for more empathy are misplaced...
…instead, let's understand our differences
A dearth of empathy is not what ails us, as many claim. What is tripping us up is our belief that we are empathic while others are not. In reality, we are all selectively empathic.
Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. I readily admit that I do not share the feelings of many others, but I can seek to understand, and in that understanding find a space to honor the other person’s feelings without believing that I need to, or even can, share them.
Psychologists have demonstrated that we grossly over-estimate our ability to understand what others think and feel, because we extrapolate from our own experiences and project them onto others. It raises the question of whether the empathy we feel towards another is truly about their feelings, or our own.
Empathy is generated from curiosity, inquiry, and kindness. Let’s keep the focus on these components of empathy, rather than empathy itself, because they are more easily practiced in our daily lives. Open-hearted listening is a generous gift to give another human being, whether or not we share their feelings.
Subscribe here for our full newsletter.
———
Copyright © 2019 Sharon V. Kristjanson. All rights reserved.