Grace: An effective lubricant in any interaction

When we are stressed, grace is one of the first things we drop, yet it is a pivotal skill that actually helps relieve stress because we are better able to get what we need, whether it is more privacy and alone time, or concrete help, or emotional support.

It sounds counter-intuitive. Being gracious takes more energy — energy we don’t have when we are stressed. But when we are gracious with others, they usually give us 110% or more, voluntarily. Whatever we need, we will receive in abundance when we take the time to be gracious with others.

Grace is so much more than courtesy. Courtesy means being polite. Grace is a notch above: it adds kindness and patience, and consideration of the other person’s perspective even if we do not know what that perspective is. It adds a generosity of spirit that paves the way for so much more creativity and cooperation to germinate.

(I’m using grace and graciousness interchangeably, even though they are not perfect synonyms. What they share is dignity — seeing dignity in both self and others.)

Grace plays an important role in the give-and-take between strangers, colleagues, family members, and friends. It is the simple act of valuing the other person before making a request or staking out territory. It’s about telling a person, up front, not only that we appreciate their attention but also why we value them. It can be done in one sentence.

With grace, we can tell someone to back off, or do something for us, or change direction, all without it sounding like a rejection or a demand. Grace is that extra element that makes an interaction more pleasant, and the other person more willing to accommodate or even go above and beyond — whether on a project at work, or in a discussion between friends or family members.

Grace is a skill that can be developed. I know because I had to learn it myself. In my younger days I did not know how to engage effectively while stressed. But once I began learning higher-level communication skills, a whole new world of possibilities opened up. Higher-level skills really do make a difference.

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Copyright © 2021 Sharon V. Kristjanson. All rights reserved.