Weddings and funerals

I attended a beautiful wedding last month, and in the days that followed I wondered: Why do we only share what we like and appreciate about someone at weddings and funerals?

Imagine if we did it every day.

We don’t have to write a long speech; it can be one sentence. It’s about noticing and being present and thoughtful. It’s about pausing to consider what we appreciate in someone and then telling them.

I’m not talking about gratitude, such as: Thank you for doing “x.” I’m talking about appreciating someone’s character and qualities, their being-ness. “I like how funny you are,” or “I admire your resilience and can-do attitude…”

Every time we tell someone what we appreciate in them, it has a ripple effect. Not only do they feel good, they take that feeling into their next encounter. It works with family, friends, and strangers.

Lest you think this is some airy-fairy schmaltzy stuff, let me clarify. This is as important as any legislation about gun purchases or immigration. Legislation alone does not make for a healthy democracy. We will not change our culture of anger and outrage with more of the same. We will only change it by modeling what we want to see.

The simple act of noticing what we appreciate in someone and then saying it is immensely fruitful, even if we do not see the fruit. Try it. Think about what you might say about someone if you had to give a speech at their wedding or funeral, and then tell them directly. Better yet, develop the habit of doing it with everyone. You can and will make a difference.

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Copyright © 2021 Sharon V. Kristjanson. All rights reserved.